I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
