i love accidental penises.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
