Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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