The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
