someone threw a dead crab at me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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