3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
