the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
