Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
