I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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