worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
