FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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