Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
