is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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