i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
