Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
