I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
