Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
