i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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