ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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