He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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