Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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