I just threw up on my dentist
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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