I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
