i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
