Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
