I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
