Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
