sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
