im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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