you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
