i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize