I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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