Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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