dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
