Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
