Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
