i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
