Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
