He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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