woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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