you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
