No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
