let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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