Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
