She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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