i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
