the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
