Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
