yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
