Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
