In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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