I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My life is pants optional.
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