I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
