I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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