he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
