who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I look better un-naked...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
