It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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