I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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