They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't turn off my feet"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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