I want to walk on stilts...naked
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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