just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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