Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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