I think my vagina is haunted
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
