he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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