I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
