I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
