he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
