Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
