No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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