I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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