My first STD was from a foam party
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
