K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
