i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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