Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
