Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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