Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im holly from the hills drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
BRING THE BAGELS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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