So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
