You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
