Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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