According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize