listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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