How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
