She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize