I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
