if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
