Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
did you just send me my own nude
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
