I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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