If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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