a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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