Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You are a genius and a whore.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
