my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
