I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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